Today I had a panic. Of the car variety. I’d decided to drive to work. (Sometimes I walk when it’s sunny.) I’d got up in plenty of time to beat the traffic and get into work early. Or so I thought. I arrived at my car and defrosted it. It was pretty solidly frozen after -5 degrees temperatures last night. I was careful not to damage the windscreen wipers. Or so I thought. I was finally ready to go, had checked the wipers weren’t frozen, prepared to give the windscreen a quick wipe. And nothing! The back ones worked fine. But the front didn’t move. I checked again to make sure they hadn’t refrozen, but no.

Panic. What to do. Should I drive to work? Should I leave the car and walk? It didn’t look like rain, but still….

Cue a phonecall to mum and dad. I tried hard to stay calm. A blown fuse was what Dad suggested. We decided it was best for me to walk to work and sort the car out later. So there was not much left to do than set off. I wasn’t really dressed for the walk, but didn’t have time to return and change. I walked briskly to keep warm. Half way into the journey the tears began to well up. You know the feeling. On the verge of tears.  Desperately fighting them back.  I suddenly felt a very long way away from home and felt like reverting back into my inner child. I wasn’t sure what to do.

No. I couldn’t cry. I would not arrive at work looking teary and puffy faced. You can cry, like you always do when things go wrong, I told myself, or you can be calm and deal with it. I chose to get a car and I chose to move a long way away. I chose the life I’m currently living. And when I made those decisions I knew I had to go it alone. I knew there would be problems I would face and I would have to handle them by myself. I’d chosen the path towards adulthood, albeit a rather fast route. And therefore I have to learn how to deal with the things that happen along the way.

I gave myself a good talking to along the way and managed to calm myself before arriving at work.

After a text to a friend, I had an offer of help from her boyfriends father who would help me this evening. I was so relieved to know that there was someone in this big city that was willing to help me.

Then at work, I had a phonecall from my parents again. We discussed what to do and how easy it would be. Throughout the afternoon I managed to persuade myself I could do it. I researched the problem on the internet and found out how to solve it. Apparantly it’s common for this to happen in this type of car in very cold weather. I left work early, called in at Halfords to get new fuses and a screwdriver. I returned home to my car as the sun was setting, hoping that I would find enough light to manage. I planned on phoning my dad again to have him talk me through it. But at the last minute I decided to just try it myself first.

And you know what!? I did it! By myself. And I felt so proud of myself for doing it. I called my parents again to let them know. I couldn’t have done it without their support, and I couldn’t have done it without the help of someone’s comments online. But ultimately I’d done it myself. For once, I’d managed to solve the problem myself without simply bursting into tears and hoping someone else would step in. And that feels great. Sometimes things go wrong. But sometimes they can be fixed without a major panic. Most of the time it’s not the end of the world.

And you know, I think, maybe I actually am making progress. Maybe I am beginning to learn how to survive as an adult!